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Two in a row for Honest Toddler! Too much good stuff not to feature this little hooligan twice in a row . . .
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Funny Parenting Tweets, Volume Four
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Tag Archives: Twitter
Funny Parenting Tweets, Volume Three
It’s time for funny parenting tweets, this time courtesy of the hilarious Honest Toddler.
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Funny Parenting Tweets, Volume Two
Yep, it’s time for more funny parenting tweets!
This week’s featured twitter superstar is the quirky and funny Paul Gude – follow him @sgnp
Couldn’t get my daughter to drink smoothies, so I make one a little thicker, put it in bowl, and called it “breakfast ice cream.” It worked.
- “This is my daughter, Betty.” “Is Betty short for anything?” “It depends on perspective. I mean…short for a kid, but tall for a rabbit.”
Parents? Feel like the thrill is gone from your life? Try pushing your kid on the swing with your eyes closed. Also, probably don’t do this.
My kid just asked me, “Who invented trees?” and “Do flowers have friends?” “Tesla” and “Nope, only enemies,” respectively.
I’ve introduced the idea of kryptonite to my daughter so I can take tiny naps when we play Justice League.
After the cookie dough was made, my daughter said, “We shouldn’t even bake this.” I nearly wept. #prodigy
Wife: Dammit! 5-Year-Old: Do you mean, “Rats?” My Wife: Sure. This game is stupid. 5-Year-Old: You mean, “Hard?” Wife: Stop laughing, Paul.
Playing with puppets in my daughter’s room. She’s here, too, so that makes it better.
Me: Who’s a funny kid? Betty: Me? Me: Yup. Betty: You know who’s a funny grown-up? Me: Me? Betty: Actually, I was thinking of Mr. Noodle.
- A cynical observer would say I’m not so much “teaching my daughter to catch a Cheerio in her mouth” as “throwing Cheerios at her face.”
It’s like Memento, only I’m in the kitchen struggling not to forget I’m getting a rag to clean maple syrup off the living room floor.
Major bummer for our household today, “Pile of Nerds” on floor turned out to be a smashed Froot Loop. Both father and daughter disappointed.
- I think the most foolproof way to get my daughter to not eat ants is to spend 45 minutes preparing them for her.
Either my wife’s started leaving me great meals in the fridge or I keep stealing her lunch. Regardless, I’m pretty happy.
Betty: Why’s Jar Jar doing that? Me: He stepped in poop. Betty: Somebody pooped? Who was it? Me: George Lucas
“Honey, he won’t let you play on the firetruck because he’s a bully. When we get home I’ll help you make an angry blog post.” #answers4kids
Funny Parenting Tweets, Volume One
Here are a handful of our favourite parenting-related tweets from @dadneedsadrink – follow him on Twitter, you won’t regret it.
Dear Science, Please choose 10 to 15 dinosaurs and pretend that the rest don’t exist. Simpler names would be nice too. Thanks, – Parents
Today is “Show and Tell” day at my son’s preschool, which is a coincidence because it’s “Kill Daddy’s Soul” day at my office. Again.
Hey, Dora. How about we ease up on the Spanish lessons and teach my son how to wipe his own ass?
Asking kids not to throw sand is a lot like asking kids to throw sand.
The secret to making Mickey pancakes is to start the ears 1″ away & let the arcs meet. The secret to NOT making Mickey pancakes is condoms.