Yep, it’s time for more funny parenting tweets!
This week’s featured twitter superstar is the quirky and funny Paul Gude – follow him @sgnp
Couldn’t get my daughter to drink smoothies, so I make one a little thicker, put it in bowl, and called it “breakfast ice cream.” It worked.
- “This is my daughter, Betty.” “Is Betty short for anything?” “It depends on perspective. I mean…short for a kid, but tall for a rabbit.”
Parents? Feel like the thrill is gone from your life? Try pushing your kid on the swing with your eyes closed. Also, probably don’t do this.
My kid just asked me, “Who invented trees?” and “Do flowers have friends?” “Tesla” and “Nope, only enemies,” respectively.
I’ve introduced the idea of kryptonite to my daughter so I can take tiny naps when we play Justice League.
After the cookie dough was made, my daughter said, “We shouldn’t even bake this.” I nearly wept. #prodigy
Wife: Dammit! 5-Year-Old: Do you mean, “Rats?” My Wife: Sure. This game is stupid. 5-Year-Old: You mean, “Hard?” Wife: Stop laughing, Paul.
Playing with puppets in my daughter’s room. She’s here, too, so that makes it better.
Me: Who’s a funny kid? Betty: Me? Me: Yup. Betty: You know who’s a funny grown-up? Me: Me? Betty: Actually, I was thinking of Mr. Noodle.
- A cynical observer would say I’m not so much “teaching my daughter to catch a Cheerio in her mouth” as “throwing Cheerios at her face.”
It’s like Memento, only I’m in the kitchen struggling not to forget I’m getting a rag to clean maple syrup off the living room floor.
Major bummer for our household today, “Pile of Nerds” on floor turned out to be a smashed Froot Loop. Both father and daughter disappointed.
- I think the most foolproof way to get my daughter to not eat ants is to spend 45 minutes preparing them for her.
Either my wife’s started leaving me great meals in the fridge or I keep stealing her lunch. Regardless, I’m pretty happy.
Betty: Why’s Jar Jar doing that? Me: He stepped in poop. Betty: Somebody pooped? Who was it? Me: George Lucas
“Honey, he won’t let you play on the firetruck because he’s a bully. When we get home I’ll help you make an angry blog post.” #answers4kids