We have a daughter who is now old enough to go to school 5 days a week. Because we both work, she stays for lunch and therefore needs a lunch and two snacks packed every. single. day.
Before I had kids I really didn’t realize how difficult it is to pack 5 lunches and 10 snacks every week that are nutritious and have some remote likelihood of being ingested by a 5 year old.
You go get some groceries on the weekend, you spend some time packing a kick-ass lunch for her on Sunday night, but as the week wears on, and the groceries and patience start to wear thin, things can get a bit less well-rounded . . .
Before I had kids, I really had no idea how much work it could be, Going Out Somewhere.
Going Out Somewhere now involves a great deal of orchestration and preparation:
- change baby
- feed baby
- pack bag for toddler
- pack bag for baby
- wipe visible stains off of parents’ clothing using a baby wipe
- dress baby in outside clothes
- dress toddler in outside clothes
- apply sunscreen to children and parents
- allow toddler to change outfit because ohmygodijustcannotfightthatbattleagain
- send toddler to go to the bathroom
- pack snack and water for toddler
- get shoes on
- load massive, bulky aluminium Expenso-Stroller into car
- pour coffee (ie. Sleep Substitute) for parents
- pack car
- strap toddler into carseat
- latch infant seat into base
- aaaaaand we’re off!
Now, all of this is unsurprising – most parents go through a routine similar to this, pretty much every time they leave the house.
But do you ever wonder what would happen if you got caught in an endless feedback loop wherein it takes you so long to complete all of the items on this list, that by the time you’re done the last item, it’s once again time to change and feed the baby?
What if this happens and you just can’t pick up the pace, so it happens again? And again? You start the car but you never. get. in. it. because you can’t break out of the loop? You spend a full day, not Going Out, but Preparing to Go Out . . . on a trip you never take.
This is the reason Going Out should only be undertaken in optimal circumstances.
This is the reason that cartoons were invented.
Also Jack Daniel’s.
