Move, Interrupted

This summer, we made the remarkably difficult decision for me to accept a very good job in the U.S., to uproot, leave our home and friends and family, and move not only to a new city, but an entirely new country.

The decision made sense.

It is my absolute dream job. We’ve always wanted to try living in a big city, particularly on the west coast, which we love. The kids are still young enough that they will adapt to this big change. There are no deep friendships or school ties we will be wrenching them away from. The job will afford my family a degree of financial freedom that will have a profound impact on most aspects of our lives, which money, for better or worse, invariably has the power to achieve.

It was the right decision.

But of course it was still an excruciating one to make, particularly as a parent. I will be working more. I will have to commute. We will be leaving behind close friends, a very close family, and the kids’ four grandparents. This is precious time. These are precious years. And I want to be spending them with my family. I’m concerned my new job will borrow some very dear minutes indeed.

But it was the right decision.

So we weighed the options, came to the most logical conclusion, which was that I most definitely should accept the position, and we started getting ready. I quit my (very good) job, we found tenants to live in our home, we sold some of our stuff and donated plenty more.

It hurt, but it was still the right decision.

But now, thanks to an immigration technicality, our move is delayed by five weeks. Five weeks of beautiful opportunities to spend time with grandparents and siblings and friends. Five weeks to soak up the charm and beauty of what remains of this enchanted Saskatoon summer. But also five weeks of agony. Of second- and third-guesses, of scrutiny and questioning and doubt. Because no matter how clear a decision may be, when your children will be affected, there will. always. be. doubt.

It’s the right decision. But I sincerely wish it would hurry the hell up already.

Nothing personal – that’s just a few million years talking.

Dear Analytical People of the World,

If you have a baby and are deciding whether or not to have a second/third/fourth/Duggerth, abandon your precious “logic” at the door.  It will do you no good here.

Abandon all hope, ye who enter.

Sincerely,

Genetics

When Your Baby is 1 Month Old

 

“What have we done?  What have we done to our lives?  Why would we do something like this?  WHY, DAMNIT!?  <<uncontrollable sobbing>> I haven’t slept.  I can hardly see straight.  Our friends are out there frolicking in sleep-in, watch football, go-to-dinner-and-a-movie happy super fun land and here we are, in this cage . . . that WE created.  I HATE YOU SO MUCH I CAN’T EVEN DESCRIBE IT.  WHY have you done this to me!?  I knew my mother was right about you.”

 

When Your Baby is 3 Months Old

 

“How could we have done this to ourselves?  This is the ONLY kid we’re ever having.  We’ll take shifts until she gets her driver’s license and then things will go back to their beautiful, normal, blissful, relaxing, child-free state of awesomeness.  We’ll start charging her rent at 17 and straight-up kick her out onto the street if she’s not gone by 19.”

 

When Your Baby is 6 Months Old

 

“I mean, even if I wanted to (and I DON’T, let’s be clear on this) . . .  even if I wanted to have another baby, neither of us have showered today and we’ve both been peed and spit up on so many times in the past six months, this ain’t exactly like a sheepskin rug, a crackling fire and a Barry White album.  No offense honey, but even if we wanted to, I’m not sure how we could possibly get pregnant any time in the next . . . like, let’s say 2 years.”

 

When Your Baby is 1 Year Old

 

“I’m happy with our decision, honey.  Really, I am.  No, I am.  I am.  I am.  I mean, I know lots of kids who grew up as only children and didn’t turn out totally screwed up.  Lots!  And yeah, I love hanging out with my sisters, and I know you love hanging out with your brother and sister, and yeah the holidays are SO much better with lots of family around . . . but yeah, I’m happy with our decision.  Really, I am.  No, I am.  I am.  I am.  Love it.  Love you so much hun!”

 

When Your Baby is Almost 2

 

“What!?  You don’t want to have another baby!?  Are you kidding me?  No, no.  It’s okay.  I mean, if you want to have one of those screwed up only children, that’s fine.  I’ve wanted to have a second all along, but if you want to change that now . . . you know, maybe my mother was right about you, after all.”