before i had kids

Sales are through the roof.

Carey — Fri, 01 Jun 2012 19:01:25 +0000

From “Genevieve Rogers: Selected Earlier Works”

Carey — Wed, 30 May 2012 16:52:00 +0000

(click to enlarge)

My friends’ daughter typed this on a real typewriter (for any of you under 30 years old, “typewriter” is what we used to call Microsoft Word).

There are many gems here, but probably my favorites is the explanation of what her Dad used to do at Amazon, how her Mum never gets days off, and of course how she and her siblings don’t always get along.

Fabulous report Genevieve! Well done.

How much bacteria does your kid pick up at school?

Carey — Fri, 25 May 2012 14:00:37 +0000

Our 3 year old boy has just started attending play school this year. Naturally, he has now picked up 125,870 different colds, sniffles and flus and, I can only assume, is basically a walking petri dish.

Thus, I give you the Before I Had Kids before/after starting school bacteria comparison . . .

Things Parents Say #61

Carey — Mon, 21 May 2012 12:00:02 +0000

“KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN OR I AM GOING TO SCREAM!!”

On Any Given Sunday in Parenthood Land

Carey — Wed, 16 May 2012 16:29:23 +0000

One recent Sunday I made a point to jot down all of the things our 3 and 6 year old kids said in the span of a couple of hours. Trust me – this is a completely random sample, in no way out of the ordinary . . .

Daddy look at me, I have a bin on my head!

I wish Princess Leia wasn’t Luke’s sister; they make a nice couple.

Is “okie dokey” a bad word?

I like the way Play Doh tastes.

Daddy you should blow that thing up!

Daddy I put my glasses in the water and now I have water glasses!

Do you know how to say “no” really fast?

Is this Toyota or turquoise?

Wanna see something gross?

Oh! I heared something. I heared my bum.
Oh it’s just the toot. It go-ed away.

Mother’s Day Menu

Carey — Mon, 14 May 2012 16:16:27 +0000

Note the very important inclusion of “wine” on the dinner menu and the fact that first on the mother’s day dinner list is “steakapalooza” because that is what my wife likes best.

Yep, I married good.

Why Picnics are Better With Kids

Carey — Mon, 12 Mar 2012 12:00:23 +0000

1. Better food

2. Wine instead of apple juice

3. No spilling

4. No crying

5. No diaper changes

6. Romantic potential

7. 15 minutes of preparation instead of 150

8. The possibility of actually enjoying one’s food instead of simply being someone else’s food slave

9. No one needs to be yelled at for pulling their sister’s hair or dumping water on their brother

10. No one screams and complains because their sandwich touched a carrot

11. No one asking awkward questions about what those teenagers are doing over on that other blanket

1. Witnessing the pure joy your children derive from the simple act of spreading out a blanket and eating a meal outside with people they love.

Things Parents Say #194

Carey — Fri, 09 Mar 2012 20:42:40 +0000

“He’s the boss of his own head – let go of it.”

Vegetarian Play Doh

Carey — Sun, 04 Mar 2012 20:20:20 +0000

“Oh, that’s nice Parker. What are you making?”

“String beans.”

“Um . . . string beans. Wow, that’s very . . . interesting.”

“Yup, string beans. For goats.”

The Internet in a Nutshell

Carey — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 19:56:52 +0000

“Daddy?”

“Yes Madeline?”

“What’s a system?”

“Well, a system is a group of parts that work together to accomplish something. Like the nervous system in your body, which helps you think and feel things.”

“Are systems only in your body?”

“No, there are systems everywhere, like in computers for example.”

“Oh! I see. Computer systems.

They help you find Google, and funny pictures.”