Category Archives: Kids

My daughter is a ketchup addict.

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It started out, as one might expect, with French fries.

We thought nothing of it at the time – no big deal, it’s just a little ketchup for dipping. Little did we know that we were complicit in providing her with this powerful “gateway” food.

Cafeteria Ketchup
Soon it was a bit more ketchup for her fries, then a bit more. And before long, she was dipping a whole lot more than just French fries. First it was chicken fingers, then hot dogs and hamburgers, then it was vegetables and . . . sorry, this is hard for me . . . then it was pizza.

“Please Mom, just a little more? Just one more shot? Please Daddy? I just need one more dip. I love you!”

Then things just escalated. She wasn’t even eating the French fries anymore – they had become little more than a carrier – just a way for her to scoop out a big red blob of the day’s fix.

She’s been “riding the red dragon” for almost three years now, and if we don’t get her help soon, I can’t even imagine how many gallons of ketchup her and those “friends” of hers are going to go through at her sixth birthday party.

We considered making her go cold turkey, but she’d just find a way to dip that too.

We even thought about taking her to one of these transitional treatment centres – you know, the ones that get them off the ketchup but get them started on tomato juice – but I’m just not sure that’s better!

 We’ll keep you updated on our progress as we tackle this challenge. Until then . . . you would be wise to hide your tomatoes.

Don’t get me wrong, the first day RULED

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My name is Carey and it has been three days since I’ve seen my children. 

Don’t worry – they’re fine.

It’s Easter break at school and they’re both home all week and so my wife thought it might be a good idea (read: a good way to prevent nervous breakdowns, epic battles and regrettable corporal punishment) to break up the week by spending part of it at the cabin. 

I thought it was a great idea. The kids love the lake and we’re in the middle of some home renos so I figured it would give me a chance to work my tail off in the evenings to make our home a bit more . . . well, not a broken disaster. 

And it has been great. The kids are having the time of their life playing around at the lake and I’ve accomplished a crapload of house stuff in their absence (it’s a scientific fact that productivity declines by 99% with each child under 6 who is present).

 The quiet, the alone time, the productivity, the peace and the self-indulgence have been fantastic.

And really by ‘fantastic’ I mean ‘excruciating.’ I miss them so much I just might have a nervous breakdown.

Being rudely awakened at an ungodly hour by a little girl climbing into our bed carrying two blankets, three stuffed animals, two barbies and an outfit change?

Best way in the world to wake up.

Having a little boy climb all over you and poke you in the eye so you’ll pay attention to him while you’re trying to have an adult conversation?

In retrospect, it’s the best damned way to have a conversation.

My name is Carey and I miss my children :-(

Don’t MAKE me come up there and visit, young lady.

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ROUND ONE

Maddy, go to bed.

NO! I don’t want to!


ROUND TWO

Maddy, if you don’t go to bed immediately, I’m taking away all of your toys.

FINE! I hate those toys anyway!


ROUND THREE

Maddy, go to bed now or you’ll have to stay inside all day tomorrow.

Yay!! Inside reading day!!!


ROUND FOUR

Maddy, go to bed right this second or Mommy and Daddy are going to keep asking you detailed questions about how your day at school went.

Goodnight Mommy! Goodnight Daddy!


Let’s at least hope it’s tobacco, little monkey.

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I was reading the original Curious George book to my kids last night.

It’s not too bad.

And really, in a kid’s book that you’re going to wind up reading several dozens of times, not too bad is a HUGE victory. (May God cast his darkest cloud of vengeance down upon “Barbie’s Fairytopia,” btw.)

So I was reading Curious George, which was originally published in 1941. Given its age, you would naturally expect a few quirks.

Like when I came to the page where George and the Man With the Yellow Hat were relaxing at home and george has a “nice meal” and then . . . smokes a “nice pipe” before bed.

I have to admit I was a bit shocked to see smoking in a children’s book.

And then I realized that I’ve been reading far too many animal books to my kids because I never once formed the thought that perhaps it was even stranger that it was A SMOKING MONKEY.

As for how it all ended, and what mischief that silly little monkey might get into next, I guess you’re just going to have to read it and find out for yourself.

Curious George Smoking a Pipe

Crayon & Marker Organizer by Madeline

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In the foreground is a craft.

It is a marker & crayon organizer that our daughter made when my wife and I told her to “go and play quietly so Mommy and Daddy can talk.” We didn’t help with the construction or the labeling and I think it’s pretty darned good.

In the background is a mess.

Dirty dishes and clothes and some tears and the frustrations of being 5 years old and not quite knowing your way around the world. Anxiety and upset tummies that make you miss your school Valentine’s Day party and a rip right through the cover of your favourite book.

In between though?

In between that craft in the foreground and that mess in the background is a look of such sheer pride, such happiness, such self-satisfaction and wonder . . . that if you look at it for a few seconds, the mess in the background just fades and fades and suddenly poof it’s gone.


Maddy holding her crayon organizer

Forgive me, it’s Friday.

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Before I had kids, I used to go out on the weekends and totally get bananas, because we were young and fun and living life to the fullest.

Now, I go out on the weekend and totally get bananas because they’re high in potassium and dietary fibre and the kids will eat them.