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My friends’ daughter typed this on a real typewriter (for any of you under 30 years old, “typewriter” is what we used to call Microsoft Word).
There are many gems here, but probably my favorites is the explanation of what her Dad used to do at Amazon, how her Mum never gets days off, and of course how she and her siblings don’t always get along.
Fabulous report Genevieve! Well done.
Our 3 year old boy has just started attending play school this year. Naturally, he has now picked up 125,870 different colds, sniffles and flus and, I can only assume, is basically a walking petri dish.
Thus, I give you the Before I Had Kids before/after starting school bacteria comparison . . .
One recent Sunday I made a point to jot down all of the things our 3 and 6 year old kids said in the span of a couple of hours. Trust me – this is a completely random sample, in no way out of the ordinary . . .
Daddy look at me, I have a bin on my head!
I wish Princess Leia wasn’t Luke’s sister; they make a nice couple.
Is “okie dokey” a bad word?
I like the way Play Doh tastes.
Daddy you should blow that thing up!
Daddy I put my glasses in the water and now I have water glasses!
Do you know how to say “no” really fast?
Is this Toyota or turquoise?
Wanna see something gross?
Oh! I heared something. I heared my bum.
Oh it’s just the toot. It go-ed away.
1. Better food
2. Wine instead of apple juice
3. No spilling
4. No crying
5. No diaper changes
6. Romantic potential
7. 15 minutes of preparation instead of 150
8. The possibility of actually enjoying one’s food instead of simply being someone else’s food slave
9. No one needs to be yelled at for pulling their sister’s hair or dumping water on their brother
10. No one screams and complains because their sandwich touched a carrot
11. No one asking awkward questions about what those teenagers are doing over on that other blanket
1. Witnessing the pure joy your children derive from the simple act of spreading out a blanket and eating a meal outside with people they love.
“Oh, that’s nice Parker. What are you making?”
“String beans.”
“Um . . . string beans. Wow, that’s very . . . interesting.”
“Yup, string beans. For goats.”
“Daddy?”
“Yes Madeline?”
“What’s a system?”
“Well, a system is a group of parts that work together to accomplish something. Like the nervous system in your body, which helps you think and feel things.”
“Are systems only in your body?”
“No, there are systems everywhere, like in computers for example.”
“Oh! I see. Computer systems.
They help you find Google, and funny pictures.”
So my son and I recently stayed with my parents for a couple of weeks (that’s its own story).
One day, grandma put on Cars for my son (his favourite), but it was an unfamiliar TV and she had trouble getting the volume to work.
No matter – he’s a happy little guy and was perfectly content watching it without any sound (he’s seen it 145,892 times so I’m sure following along with the plot was not a serious hurdle).
So the next morning, he asked papa if he could put Cars on for him.
“Papa, I can watch Cars?”
“Sure buddy.”
“You can make it with sound?”
“Yep, sound is on.”
“Oh, gramma gonna be SO proud of you.”
Now, I can’t say this with 100% certainty . . . but I’m pretty sure my son likes his new book 
Last weekend, our five year old daughter made a couple of crafts.
This is her very favourite thing to do, and something she does pretty much daily. She’s amazingly good at it too – and I’m her Dad, I know for sure.
So on Saturday she decided to make “some grownup things” and started with what just might be the two most prominent fixtures in her parents’ lives – coffee mugs and computers.
So she made a coffee mug and filled it with bits of black paper for the coffee.
And then she made a computer.
This is the screen and keyboard:
Notice that she is currently looking at the weather forecast on the screen.
And this is the back of the computer:
You know, just for anybody out there who still questions the power of branding . . .
“I don’t know” is not in the vocabulary of a five year old child.
It simply does not compute.
So instead of ever saying that they don’t know the answer to something, or shrugging their shoulders, or asking and trying to find out the answer, their tendency is more to . . . well, to lie.
Okay, it’s actually not totally surprising that she’d be named Mipmip – everybody knows that Mr. and Mrs. Suzzlefuts are assholes.
