How to tell little girls from little boys at the splash park:
The little girls are the ones trying to drink the water . . . and the little boys are the ones trying to KILL AND MAIM the water to AVENGE THE TERRIBLE EVILS IT HATH WROUGHT.
You’ll get ‘em next time, son . . .
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUnhiZkAl7o?rel=0]
Kids: What’s that?
Me: Shreddies.
Kids: What’s Shreddies?
Me: Shreddies are Daddy’s very favorite kind of cereal. You can’t buy this kind of cereal in the United States so my Mommy sent this box to me as a special present!
Kids: Oooooh!
Me: No.
Kids: I love Shreddies!
Me: You don’t.
Kids: I do I do! I love them!
Me: You don’t even know what Shreddies are.
Kids: I do so! I love them!! Can I have a big bowl right now??
Me: Dude. Daddy has one. single. box. of Shreddies. One box. One. To last until Christmas. One box.
Kids: That’s okay Daddy, you can have some too!
Me: We can . . . my . . . the . . . I bet you have never tried Shreddies in your whole entire life.
Kids: I have! I love them! Can I have some right now Daddy? Please Daddy?
Me: How about Frosted Mini Wheats – they’re a lot like Shreddies but they have FROSTING! Oooooh, frosting! Yum yum yum!
Kids: I don’t want Mini Wheats, I want Shreddies!
Me: Froot Loops. You know that shiny rainbow cereal I never let you buy? I’ll buy you Froot Loops. Today. Right now. Just leave Daddy’s Shreddies alone, okay?
Kids: Okay Daddy.
Me: Thanks kid.
Kids: Daddy?
Me: Yes honey?
Kids: When you buy me Froot Loops I’ll share them with you! That will be fun!
Me: . . .
Me: Grab a spoon, kid. I’ll get the bowls.
.
On Any Given Sunday in Parenthood Land is a compilation of things my children say over the course of an average weekend – trust me, I couldn’t make this stuff up.
“Daddy, I still have a bit of a cough. And I’ve still got some of the bless-yous.”
“I DON’T WANT CEREAL FOR BREAKFAST, I WANT SPECIAL K!!”
“I should go to Dizzy’s Bus Stop and tell Mr. Moe that I have an owie in my bum.”
“Yay!! Mommy’s having a shower – that means we’re going somewhere fun!”
“Mommy, that’s an idiom. You can’t ACTUALLY lose your mind because it’s inside your head.”
“I’ve got dough on my head!”
“Daddy, I found your pen under my bed. I’m sorry for giving your pen to my bed.”
“Woah cool – Daddy had two colours of hair – black AND white!”
It’s time for funny parenting tweets, this time courtesy of the hilarious Honest Toddler.
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