Before I had kids I pretty much never had lengthy conversations with my spouse about poop.
Before I had kids I did not understand that Going To A Movie is not a simple entertainment activity, but rather, is a carefully-orchestrated, catastrophically-expensive symphony of planning, timing, determination and luck.
Before I had kids I was completely unaware of how very many of my personal effects could be ruined using one single red marker.
Before I had kids I did not understand that reasoning with a three year old is approximately as productive and rewarding as reasoning with salsa.
Before I had kids I assumed that bathing myself every day was a necessity, not a luxury.
Before I had kids, if you had told me that one day a child would poop on me, and then while I was cleaning up that poop, he would pee all over me, and I wouldn’t murder him . . . I would have called you a filthy liar.